how to comfort someone – Laird Counselling Services

10 Phrases to Avoid

“It could always be worse.” Comparison doesn’t reduce someone’s pain, it just tells them their pain doesn’t count.

“Everything happens for a reason.” This can feel dismissive when someone is in the middle of real pain and isn’t ready to look for meaning yet.

“Just stay positive.” This pressures someone to perform optimism instead of feeling what they actually feel.

“I know exactly how you feel.” Even with good intentions, this can shift focus away from their specific experience.

“You’ll get over it.” This minimizes the timeline and depth of what they’re actually processing.

“Other people have it worse.” This invalidates their experience by comparison.

“Just try not to think about it.” Avoidance rarely works, and it can make someone feel unheard.

“You’re so strong, you’ll be fine.” This can feel like pressure to keep performing strength rather than permission to struggle.

“Let me know if you need anything.” Well meaning, but it puts the burden on them to ask, which many people won’t do.

“This too shall pass.” True, but it can feel like a rush past what they’re feeling right now.

When someone we care about is going through a difficult time, it can be challenging to know what to say or how to help. We may worry about saying the wrong thing, making things worse, or appearing insensitive. It’s natural to feel this way because we want to offer support and comfort, but we also don’t want to make things worse.

The truth is that there is no magic phrase or solution that will fix everything. However, acknowledging their pain and letting them know that you are there for them can be a powerful show of support. Sometimes, simply listening without judgment can help someone feel heard and validated.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to be genuine and empathetic. You don’t have to have all the answers, but showing that you care and are willing to be there can make a world of difference to someone who is struggling.

10 Things You Can Say

“I’m here for you, whatever you need.” This offers reassurance without demanding they explain more than they’re ready to.

“That sounds really hard.” This validates the difficulty without minimizing it.

“You don’t have to go through this alone.” This reduces the isolation that often makes hard things feel heavier.

“I don’t have the right words, but I care about you.” Honesty is often more comforting than a perfect response.

“Take all the time you need.” This removes the pressure to move on quickly.

“What do you need most right now, someone to listen, or someone to help problem solve?” This lets them lead instead of guessing.

“I’m proud of you for getting through today.” This acknowledges effort, not just outcome.

“This isn’t your fault.” This is especially helpful when guilt or self-blame is present.

“I’m going to check in on you again tomorrow.” This shows ongoing care, not a one-time gesture.

“It’s okay to not be okay.” This normalizes the struggle itself, rather than rushing past it.

A Few Things to Avoid Saying

Even well-meaning words can land wrong. Phrases like “it could always be worse” or “just stay positive” often minimize what someone is going through rather than easing it. We wrote a full breakdown of this, and what to say instead, in Things Not to Say to Someone Who Is Struggling.

Support for You, Too

Supporting someone else well often starts with your own capacity to hold space for them. If you’re navigating something hard yourself, whether it’s anxiety, grief, or something else entirely, reach out for a free consultation.

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